Dear Northwest Winter 2013-2014

Dear Northwest Winter 2013-2014,

Looks like you’ve shot your puny little wad a little too early this year. Seriously, we skiers are eager to caress the silky folds of your mountain slopes with our freshly waxed, silver-tongued skis and snowboards.
But no.
You’ve decided to hold out on us, sending us a few passive aggressive crumbs in the form of dense fog.
My advice to you is to grow a pair and send us some wet weather soon. Otherwise, the only date you’ll be able to get will be with fire.
And I hear she's a real psycho.